Strategies To Keep Self-Love High When Life Gets Messy
What is self-love?
Self-love is important to living well. It influences who you pick to be in your inner circle, your choice in partner, the image you project at work, and how you cope with the problems in your life. Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.
Self-love is dynamic and it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that expand self-love in us, we begin to better accept our weaknesses as well as our strengths, have less of a need to explain our short comings, are more centered in our life purpose and values, and expect living fulfillment through our own efforts. Though not everyone is born with self-love naturally instilled in them, and it takes time and practice to fully feel that self-love.
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Self-love when life gets messy
When we go from 0 to 100 in relation to our self-worth and anxiety, it can often feel like we’re spiraling. This could happen when circumstances, perhaps beyond our control, or just things in general trigger us in our life and leads into the spiral of negative self talk and shame that feels like it comes out of nowhere. And we find ourselves overwhelmed and in this swamp of negativity.
There are going to be times when we find ourselves going into that dark place. Maybe you start noticing some of your old patterns and behaviors, like looking at things in a negative light. Maybe you’re experiencing some negative mindset stuff, or you just know you are having a bad day that leads you to that dark place.
Though it’s important to know that there are some things you can do to try to pull yourself away from that place. And once you start practicing these strategies, it may help you in future dark episodes to remember them and try to do them in advance. So here are a few suggestions in the tried-and-true strategies that AK has used and continues to use.
Morning self-care tips
The morning is the first part of your day, so it’s important to focus and channel all of your self-care and self-love during the morning time just so you can set yourself up for success. You want to think of the morning as the time to lay the foundation for the reality and the truth of what the day is going to be.
No day is exactly the same
As we know, everything is impermanent and circumstances aren't permanent. So what this means is that even if we had an amazing day yesterday, it does not mean that you’ll wake up and it will be the same. The opposite is just as true where as even if you had a terrible day the day before, it doesn't mean that the next day is going to be terrible as well.
So find comfort and solace in that truth and in knowing that everything is constantly changing and impermanent. This really does offer a deep rooted sense of safety and security, and it can also give you this willingness to be courageous. It can really allow you to go into your experience of where you’re feeling super dark or super sad.
And there's a willingness to investigate that because you know that the feeling is not forever and if you’re really happy and feeling really aligned and integrated, then there's a willingness to really enjoy that. You’ll really saver that feeling because while you know that it's not forever, it will also be nice to have those experiences in the toolbox in your resource bucket when things do get tough. So it’s important to remember that because things do get dark and tough for some of us, sometimes more often then we’d like them to.
Routine is key
Though most of us may not be morning people, waking up early enough to have a solid routine before you really start your day may be what you really need. When you wake up in the morning, try to develop a pretty deep and full morning practice and routine. Some may choose to wake up super early and maybe 5:30 in the morning, while others early mornings may be 8AM.
Whatever time it may be, you’ll want to make sure that you’re giving yourself enough time to instill a few morning routines for yourself. This could be allowing yourself to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee, or working out for a decent amount of time where you don’t feel rushed.
One thing you could try is having a cup of coffee and journaling while you drink it. You could even set up a diffuser with different oils depending on your mood that day. Whatever it is you decide to do, you want to allow yourself to be supported by the self-care and self-care behaviors that you choose to engage in during the morning. By allowing yourself to be supported, it can help to remind you that you really are always being surrounded by self-care and love. Remember that it starts with you.
Think of life as a day at the beach
Another self-love strategy to try is to think of the day and your life as the ocean at the beach, and to think about when you wake up in the morning similar to how you would approach the day if your were going to the beach to swim in the ocean. When you go to the beach to swim, there are typically flags either on the lifeguard stand or on the beach itself. And these flags range in color from red to yellow to green, and are there to let potential swimmers know how safe the water is for swimming.
So each day, ‘look at the flags’ and yourself “Is this a green flag day?” “Is this a yellow flag day?” “Is this a red flag day”.
Green Flag
A green flag day means that waters are pretty even, and are not that rough. This could be a day were you would maybe try some new things, or where you would want to get creative and do a lot of tasks. A green flag day is a day where you might stretch yourself a little bit beyond what you normally would do. You might take some risks because the inner weather inside yourself on this green flag day is calm. So it's within a caring intention to push yourself or to stretch yourself in this way because the foundation of energy is feeling calm.
Yellow flag
A yellow flag day means that the waters could be a little rocky that day. It could be that maybe you’re feeling a little insecure, or maybe it's something physical like your digestion isn’t great that day or you’re just not feeling awesome. When you’re having a yellow flag day, maybe you want to just spend the day not pushing yourself too hard, but you would still do your responsibilities. These responsibilities would include reaching out to friends, and engaging socially with people. You really want to utilize the support from your community for a yellow flag day when you don’t feel your best.
Red flag
A red flag day is where everything just seems to be stormy, and you won’t even consider getting in the water. When you find yourself experiencing a red flag day, you’ll really just want do the minimum that you have to do as far as responsibilities. So if you have a work deadline, you get that done, or if you have a responsibility to another person, you get that done. However you don't take on any extra responsibilities and try to minimize your stimuli. Whether that's through social media, or through not answering any unnecessary emails, or not engaging in text conversations. Anything that feels like it's pulling energy from you on a red flag day, you should not do.
And this will allow you to anchor back into yourself and really find your inner strength, and that inner trust in the belief that life is really supporting you. That life is really organizing itself for your benefit and for your health, and it really starts in a red flag day with knowing what your triggers are that pull you out of your center, by shutting those down for that time, and remembering that circumstances will change.
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So even if you're doing that that day, you're being really truthful with what you need for that day. And just by giving yourself what you need by being there for yourself, that action and that behavior is what's going to move you through. It will move you into a space of spaciousness and love and ease, and you'll continue on that surf and flow of experience. You won’t feel like you are going to be pulled in different directions and you'll really begin to feel like you're the master of your own destiny.
Extra tips for self-love
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Practice mindfulness. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.
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Set boundaries for yourself. You'll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.
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Practice good self-care. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, and healthy social interactions.
