The Secret To A Great Relationship With Food
What is a relationship with food?
Some people may not think they have a relationship with food, while others know this all too well. The dictionary defines the term ‘relationship’ as ‘the way in which two or more people or things are connected’. Essentially, if you fuel your body with nutritious foods and goodness, your body will thank you in return. It is all connected.
Your relationship with food is vital. It encompasses so many aspects of life, including your mood and wellbeing, and holds the potential to prevent conditions like diabetes. Moreover, relationships tend to only work to their fullest potential when both sides are cooperating. So if you take the time to consider what types of foods would best fuel your body, it’ll result in a more positive food relationship.
Having a positive relationship with food could be a variety of things. It could be not looking at food as a reward for exercise or not letting food control your day. A positive relationship with food means making conscious efforts to put healthy and nutritious foods into your body, and starting to notice all the things you can eat instead of the things you shouldn’t. Because putting an unhealthy strain on your relationship with food, can result in developing a negative relationship to food.
Negative vs positive food relationship
If you have a negative relationship with food, you might experience some of the following behaviors:
You have anxiety relating to the social, emotional and physical components of food and eating.
You feel guilt, shame or judge mental towards yourself during or after eating.
Specific foods become your only options, creating an obsessive mindset around food
You have rigid rules about food like specific times for eating, what food you can eat and the amount of food you eat.
If you have a positive relationship with food, you behaviors might be the following:
The ability to be at ease with the social, emotional and physical components of food and eating.
Eating is neither the best nor the worst part of your day.
You enjoy the foods you consume but not worship them.
There are no strict rules surrounding the food you eat or your eating habits.
The goal is to get to the place where you’re able to navigate the waters of eating something that you enjoy, even if it might be a little less healthy. Once you get there and are still being able to maintain your weight goal, that will be the ultimate health. That is the ultimate wellness. And it starts with your feelings.
Download my FREE resources for more wellness and nutrition tips!
Why feelings are important
The food you eat and your food choices can always give an insight into your feelings and emotions. You might realize that you turn to a certain food when you’re upset, or that you typically only eat ‘bad’ foods when you’re sad. Understanding that your feelings and emotions can be connected to the foods you eat is the first step. It can also give you the opportunity to turn towards food as a friend rather than an adversary.
Attitude & mindset
When it comes to eating, people often think that when trying to eat better and getting on a healthier track with your diet that it has more to do with the food you eat. While that is true, it also has more to do with your mindset and attitude surrounding the food. The truth of the matter is that it’s more about your attitude around the food, and understanding your motivation for eating, than it is about the food itself.
Of course, that’s not to say that you should go to town on saturated fats and pizza and Entenmann’s. But on a macro level, and for sustainable health and wellness, food should not only be about what is good for your weight. Food needs to also be about what is good for your heart.
3 questions to ask yourself
When you are contemplating eating something or there is some type of struggle around eating, try this trick. By asking yourself these 3 questions, you will able able to navigate around eating the foods you enjoy without that veil of guilt and shame hanging over you.
1.How do you feel?
If you find yourself contemplating on whether or not you want something to eat, yourself how you feel. Are you in a good mood? Are you in a bad mood? Are you sad, and if so what are you sad about? Do you just feel lonely? Are you excited about something, or celebrating something?
Asking yourself how you feel in the moment of deciding whether or not you want to eat something is crucial to developing a good relationship to food. Acknowledging your feelings will help you decide the answer to the next question.
2.What do you want?
Figuring out what it is that you want to eat in the moment is the next question to ask yourself. Do you want a quick snack, or do you want to polish off the bag of potato chips you have in the pantry? Let’s say you want something that is sweet or dessert like. Now that you’ve answered the second question of what you want, go back to the first question of how you feel.
Is there a relationship between the two questions? Do you want a sweet or dessert because you are feeling sad, and that is your go to comfort food? Or do you want it because you just got a promotion and you want to celebrate? Connecting how you feel and what you want will allow you to answer the third question.
3.Why do you want it?
After asking yourself what it is that you want, the final question is to ask yourself why it is that you want that. If you want cake, why is it that you want that? And to answer the why, you need to go back to the how. How do you feel?
If you feel sad, why do you want it, because you feel sad? If you feel good, why do you want it, because you’re using it as a reward? Will you feel guilty after eating it? Understanding your feelings and why you are feeling a certain way when you contemplate eating is the key to your relationship with food blossoming.
If you ask yourself these 3 questions, you will be able to develop an adult relationship with your food and your eating. You won’t feel that guilt or deprivation because, in an adult relationship with food, you are engaging with your diet and your food like an adult. In other relationships, adults can engage with something that they don’t feel they need permission from or feel they’re going to get punished from. And the same can be done with your relationship to food.
Lifestyles more susceptible to having a negative relationship with food
While anyone can be susceptible to developing a negative relationship to food, there are certain lifestyles that are more likely to attract this relationship. Once you recognize that you fall within one of these lifestyles, you will be one step closer to conquering and taking control of your relationship with food. However if you don’t relate with one of these lifestyles, and still find your relationship with food is rocky, it does not mean that you still can’t take control.
Eating disorders
Those who currently have or have had a previous relationship with an eating disorder like emotional eating, binge eating or compulsive eating, are more likely to find themselves susceptible to a negative relationship with food. These eating disorders often create a negative connection between your feelings and your relationship to food, so those who fall within this lifestyle would find it more difficult to develop a positive relationship to food.
what can be done
If you find that you relate more to the eating disorders lifestyle, try gratitude meditation. Gratitude meditation can help you become less dependent on food to bring you feelings of comfort and safety. It can also help you set good boundaries and create an overall better relationship with you and food. Along with asking yourself the 3 questions, practicing gratitude meditation is a good first step in developing a positive relationship with food.
Bad eating mindset
Those who possess bad, or negative, eating mindsets are more likely to find themselves susceptible to developing a negative relationship with food. Those who have a bad eating mindset often experience feelings of shame, guilt and even anxiety when it comes to their relationship with food. They often have fixed rules about the food they allow or don’t allow themselves to eat, which creates a negative relationship between themselves and food.
what can be done
If you find that you relate more to have a bad eating mindset, try eating mindfully. Mindful eating is a great practice that can help you to acknowledge your response to food without getting into judgement. It also helps with the satisfaction aspect of eating and can help you tune into your own hunger cues. Along with asking yourself the 3 questions, practicing mindful eating is a great way to help develop a positive relationship with food.
Food anxiety
Those who have had experiences with food anxiety are more likely to find themselves susceptible to developing a negative relationship with food. Those who suffer from food anxiety typically fear food and often avoid eating most foods because they cause anxiety. This developed fear and avoidance makes it difficult for those within this lifestyle to develop a positive relationship with food.
what can be done
If you find that you relate more to having a food anxiety based lifestyle, try taking away your temptation first. A good first step to developing a positive relationship with food is not keeping those hard to resist foods in your house, that way they are not within a close proximity and are unable to make you anxious. And if your emotions are driving you to go grocery shopping, take a step back and ask yourself the 3 questions for the ‘bad’ foods you want to go out and buy.
********
The best relationship you could have with food is one of interdependence and one of joy, even amongst any emotional state. In that you will find a calm, stable relationship with your diet.
Extra tips for your relationship with food
Practice knowing your motivation for eating. This mindful eating tip can help you to acknowledge the third question, ‘why do you want it?’ Knowing your motivation will help you to better understand your why.
Keep a food journal. Keeping track of what and when you eat, along with any impactful or emotional events that happen, can help you connect your eating patterns and emotions.
Don’t get too restrictive with the food you eat. If you make your diet too restrictive, you are more likely to develop a stressed relationship with food. It’s okay to allow yourself ‘cheats’ if you are doing it for the right reason.
