What To Do If You Feel Scared About Creating Boundaries Around Food
What is binge eating?
A typical, overview definition of a binge is frequently consuming unusually large amounts of food in one sitting and feeling that eating behavior is out of control. However, it’s much more than that. A binge or craving is our nervous system's response to try and get in control. It’s when you eat a lot of food in just a few hours in order to try and drown out your emotions, even if you aren’t hungry. Then after you’ve finished eating, you quickly feel shame or guilt about it.
Almost everyone overeats on occasion, such as having seconds or thirds of a holiday meal. But for some people, excessive overeating that feels out of control and becomes a regular occurrence crosses the line to binge eating. However if you are a binge eater, you may often get embarrassed about overeating and vow to stop. This can then led to a very restrictive diet a binge eater places on themselves. And these unrealistic restrictions often then led to bingeing and experiencing the shame and guilt cycle all over again.
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Symptoms of binge eating
Most people who binge eat are typically on the heavier side, though there are some binge eaters who are at a normal weight. Behavioral and emotional signs and symptoms of binge eating include:
Eating unusually large amounts of food in a specific amount of time, such as over a two-hour period
Feeling that your eating behavior is out of control
Eating even when you're full or not hungry
Eating rapidly during binge episodes
Eating until you're uncomfortably full
Frequently eating alone or in secret
Feeling depressed, disgusted, ashamed, guilty or upset about your eating
Frequently dieting, possibly without weight loss
Unlike those who suffer from a bulimia eating disorder, those who binge eat don't regularly compensate for extra calories eaten by vomiting, using laxatives or exercising excessively. Binge eaters may try to diet by restricting their meals, though this restriction often leads to more binge eating.
Boundaries & structure
Often times when you are healing and creating strategies around your relationship to food and are trying to stop that cycle of binging and shame, you get to that place where you are not binging anymore. However, structure still needs to be created around your meals.
Where fear comes in
One of the things binge eaters have as a goal is sometimes physical appearance related. This could be because binge eaters do sometimes gain weight or want to be more physically attractive. But there’s this dynamic between a binge eater’s desire to look physically attractive in a way and the fear that bringing some attention to that desire or making that desire important to you, will throw you back into the eating disorder.
When this structure is created though, fear often arises because bingeing is often times related or has some type of relationship to restrictions. You might be scared that if you create boundaries around your meals, that you might fall back into restrictive eating. This fear might even be what’s keeping you from achieving your goals. But here’s why structure and boundaries can actually be good for a binge eater.
Boundaries actually create freedom
When you do decide to create boundaries around your meals and when you feel ready to bring that practice into your life, the end result is a freeing feeling. And ironically, it can be a freeing practice once you understand how boundaries do create freedom. The fear that comes along with the restriction and shame cycle that you’re so afraid of going to go back into, does go away.
This of course comes with a lot of inquiries and a lot of preparation, and a lot of compassion and patience. This isn’t something that is recommended to be done right away or immediately because it is something that is very sensitive and requires a lot of support because it can trigger some discomfort.
And knowing how to navigate those uncomfortable feelings without going back into the food soothing behaviors can take some practice and patience. It takes a lot of work and time to sometimes create that skill. But the creation of boundaries and structure does result in freedom. Once you learn that fear is really what’s underneath there, you won’t be afraid of falling back into that restriction mindset. And that the emotion of fear is what needs to be attended to.
Lifestyles that could benefit from boundaries and structure
While anyone can benefit from boundaries and structure being added into their life, there are certain lifestyles that would greatly benefit. Once you recognize that you fall within one of these lifestyles, you can begin your journey and be one step closer to a healthy lifestyle. However if you don’t relate with one of these lifestyles, you might find that you could still benefit from adding boundaries and structure into your life.
Extreme dieters
Those who tend to engage in extreme diets would greatly benefit from food boundaries and structure. Theses are typically people who follow unhealthy diets to lose the weight, such as skipping meals or eating too little. If they don't reach their goal weight, they may feel so guilty and terrible about themselves that they eat even more. Extreme dieters, who restrict themselves from eating, could also be binge eaters.
Food dependent
Those who are extremely dependent on food would greatly benefit from food boundaries and structure. These are typically people who are dependent on food as a means of that person making themselves feel better, and use food as either a coping or soothing mechanism. And the problem with this is that they never learn to properly cope with whatever emotion they’re trying to smother. People dependent on food, who look to food to cope, could also be binge eaters.
Overly stressed
Those who are overly stressed due to either internal or external factors, would greatly benefit from food boundaries and structures. These are typically people who have gone through a major stressful event, like a divorce, losing a job, or losing a friend or loved one. Stress and anxiety can cause binge eating cycles, and then the shame and guilt that come along with it usually makes the stress worse. Those who are overly stressed can also be binge eaters.
Mindless eaters
Those who mindlessly eat would greatly benefit from food boundaries and structures. These are typically people who are eating in the car commuting to work, at the desk in front of a computer screen, or on the couch watching TV. They typically eat by shoveling their food down regardless of whether they’re still hungry or not. Mindless eaters, who might also use food as a way to cope, can also be binge eaters.
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For binge eaters, creating boundaries and structure can be scary due to the fear of falling back into a restrictive diet. However once you practice these structure through compassion and patience, the boundaries and structure you create around your food can actually free you. Just don’t forget that it takes time and preparation.
Extra tips for binge eating
Keep a food diary where you keep track of what and when you eat, along with any impactful or emotional events that happen. A food diary will help you learn when you tend to binge, and can also help see what was going on in your life that may have led you to do it.
Practice mindfulness. By focusing on being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, you will be less likely to let your underlying emotions control a binge.
Reflect on why you're bingeing. Are you stressed or anxious? Find different ways to soothe these emotions. Try daily meditation or take a 30 minute walk.
