Why We Experience Food Guilt and How To Overcome It
What is guilt?
Guilt is the feeling someone has when they believe they have done something wrong, like stealing or hurting someone, being rude or lying. And these are all appropriate behaviors to feel guilty about. However it’s important to note that you are not born knowing these behaviors are wrong. You’re not born knowing that you should feel guilty about doing the wrong thing, or what the wrong thing even is.
Guilt is something that is taught to you.
The only way we know right from wrong is because it has been taught to us. Whether it be from a parent or guardian or even a teacher, behaviors of feeling guilt towards a certain action is taught. This is often due to being told your behavior was good and being rewarded for said good behavior, or being told a behavior was bad or wrong and there being consequences. The beliefs that you hold now have been instilled in you from a young age, and you often carry them with you through life.
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What is food guilt?
The same right and wrong beliefs are also taught in regard to certain eating habits. A lot of us grew up with the knowledge that certain foods are either good or bad. This message that food can either be good or bad typically has the worst affect on young children whose parents or relatives engage in dieting and disordered eating. Those children have instilled mindsets from a young age that certain foods are bad, and eating those bad foods would be a behavior similar to stealing or lying, and thus causing them to feel guilty.
For example, if a parent keeps restricting sweets and tells the child it is unhealthy and they should not be eating it, the child learns that eating sweets is wrong, and the natural reaction is to feed bad about it. And guilt then sinks in. The point is, just as guilt is taught, so is food guilt. When you feel food guilt it means you believe you are doing something wrong, you are breaking a food rule you have.
Some types of food guilt might include:
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Cheating on a diet
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Eating ‘unhealthy’ food
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Metabolism or appetite guilt
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Food waste guilt
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Personal food likes and dislikes
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Lack of relationship with food
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Eating sugary or ‘junk’ foods
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Eating after you’re already full
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Irregular eating patterns
Guilt around food, in a way, has become socially acceptable, and we think that makes comments like ‘I can’t eat that’, or ‘I shouldn’t eat that as well’, or ‘I’ll eat it if you do’ okay. Everyday guilt takes hold of us in our own judgement of our food choices, and the ways in which we constantly compare our choices to others. It’s there when we judge our choice to eat out or to order in. There when we don’t have time to prepare a meal, or do have time and choose not to.
Reasons we should not feel guilty when eating
First things first, there is no need or role for feeling guilt or shame with your food choices. A well-balanced diet and lifestyle includes all types of food and honors the many roles food plays in our life, from nourishing our bodies on a cellular level to tradition, culture, and enjoyment. Not only is food guilt not productive for creating healthy eating habits, but it also can be really damaging to your physical and mental health.
Have you ever felt less in control of food more likely to overeat the foods you associate with guilt or shame?
This feelings leads to that start-and-stop cycle that we often share about. The shame and guilt intensify after overeating, so you try more rigid and restrictive behaviors to make up for being “bad,” only to feel out of control around food because you’ve become hyper-aware that you can’t have it, and then you overindulge.
Or maybe instead of feeling out of control, you simply try to rationalize with yourself, “I haven’t had any of this food all week and I’m not going to have it again, so I might as well just have all of this other food now.” And the cycle repeats itself. Whenever you’re in this start-and-stop cycle, you’re not able to form consistent eating habits that support your daily and long-term physical health. Additionally, over time, this can also turn into more serious health conditions.
This guilt and shame lead to feelings of helplessness and lack of control, as well as self-criticism, all of which can encourage poor self-esteem and low mood, impacting your mental health. This is why it’s important for you to put some of your time and energy into overcoming food guilt.
How to lessen food guilt
Overcoming food guilt is a journey. Even if you recognize that you want a positive relationship with food and want to experience food freedom, those feelings of guilt or shame will still happen, especially when eating foods that have been ingrained in your mind as “bad” or after having a moment of overindulgence.
It’s completely okay and normal to be experiencing thought patterns that aren’t aligned with a healthy relationship with food. Know that it takes a lot of compassion, patience, practice, and support to really help you reframe your mindset around your relationship with food and remove feelings of guilt.
So here are a few first steps to begin removing that guilt and calling it out when it happens, so over time, you can get to a place of feeling at ease and at peace with your food choices.
Bring awareness to when and why you’re experiencing food guilt
This first step is all about bringing awareness to when and why you’re experiencing food guilt. There are usually two common causes of guilt around food.
1.You may have made a mindless choice and realized it after the fact
First, feelings of guilt can happen if you made a food choice that’s not in alignment with what you truly wanted or needed. This usually happens when external factors influence our food choices without us even realizing it, like emotions such as stress or boredom, our environment, or eating while distracted. You may experience this if you made an in-the-moment decision that you didn’t truly want to make. This type of guilt tends to have less to do with the food itself, but more to do with you taking or not taking a specific action.
2.You may be holding negative beliefs around food
The second and often more deep-rooted cause of food guilt we see is feeling guilty around after eating foods that are often labeled “bad” or “off-limits.” This can happen even when you consciously choose to eat something because you truly enjoy it and what it is, but the sense of shame creeps in any way because we’ve been taught to think of some foods as “good” and others as “bad.”
In either case, you can use a reflective food journal to bring awareness to what’s causing your food guilt and when you’re experiencing it. With a reflective food journal, the focus isn’t on calories or listing “good” and “bad” foods, but rather uncovering more about what you felt before, during, and after eating so you can notice where these feelings of guilt, or anything else you may be experiencing, come up.
These insights about yourself can actually help guide you and help you learn how to best support yourself. When your focus is solely on feeling guilty, you never get the chance to do this self-discovery and you’ll continue to go through this cycle of guilt. Once you have more clarity and awareness on what’s causing feelings of guilt, the next step is to take a small action to help you through that.
When you do notice you’re feeling guilty, call yourself out and practice compassionate curiosity. Allow yourself the space to explore why those feelings are coming up again, recognize that they’re there, and remind yourself that food guilt doesn’t support your wellbeing. It’s a daily practice.
Let go of the food rules
Think about what would happen when you were a kid and your parent, guardian, or teacher told you that you weren’t allowed to do something. How would you react? I’m sure you wanted to do exactly what they said not to do, and wanted to do it so much more. This is the exact same series of events that occurs with food and food rules. It’s simply human nature.
When we tell ourselves that we can’t have a food item, it’s bad for us, we’re not allowed to have it, we’re inadvertently putting it on a pedestal. A pedestal that makes us idealize the food item and want the food item so much more than if we had just allowed ourselves to have some in the first place.
Once we do have the food item - either because we finally allow ourselves, reward ourselves, or it’s simply placed in front of us and we no longer have self-control - we’re much more likely to overindulge and subsequently experience that extreme sense of guilt we’re looking to avoid.
When we remove these food rules altogether, when we take the food item off of the pedestal, the food item no longer has power over us. We no longer feel out of control around it, and therefore that guilt cycle stops. Let go of the food rules, and the guilt will go with it.
Slow down before meals
And that leads to step number two, which is to practice slowing down before and during your meals. Sometimes food guilt can stem from mindless eating, where you were simply distracted or something in your environment or the situation you’re in triggered you to eat when you weren’t truly hungry or didn’t truly want it.
Taking a moment to pause before eating and checking in with yourself to see what your body needs and wants is such a great way to become aware of what external sources are influencing your food choices versus you’re choosing based on your body’s needs or what you’d like to consciously choose. When you’re taking this pause, ask yourself why you’re eating. Is it boredom, stress, situational, or are you experiencing physical hunger?
Then ask yourself if what you are choosing to eat is something you truly want or only want because of external factors. If your food guilt stems from eating specific foods, this pause can allow you to give full permission to yourself to intentionally choose and enjoy that food.
Grant yourself permission to reduce food guilt
Create an experience around food that allows you to fully enjoy and appreciate what you’re eating. For example, if you’ve decided that you’d like to have dessert, then sit at the table with no distractions and slowly savor and taste each bite. Allowing yourself that joy and pleasure from your food, whether it’s what we call a “food for the soul” or a nutrient-dense meal, brings so much positivity to your experience with that food. You’ll then be able to feel more satisfied and move forward, rather than bringing up that guilty feeling.
Lifestyles that are more susceptible to food guilt
While anyone can be susceptible to experiencing food guilt, there are certain lifestyles that are more likely to attract this feeling. Once you recognize that you fall within one of these lifestyles, you will be one step closer to taking control and starting your wellness journey. However if you don’t relate with one of these lifestyles, and still find yourself experiencing food guilt, it does not mean that you still can’t take control.
Eating disorders
Those who have experience with eating disorders, like binge eating or emotional eating, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who is experiencing or has had experience with an eating disorder typically struggles with food more than someone who does not have an eating disorder. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because binge eaters and emotional eaters often feel guilty after they have gone through a binge eating cycle, and this often leads to another binge.
WHAT CAN BE DONE
When you are going up to make your plate for the first time, make sure you carefully look at all that is being offered. It’s better to take the correct portion sizes of a variety of foods than to take a helping one at a time.
Poor food mindset
Those who have a poor food mindset, or who have a negative mindset associated with food, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who has a poor food mindset might label the food they eat as either good or bad, or healthy or junk. They might also associate themselves as bad or junk when they eat the foods they labeled as such. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because if they allow themselves to eat that bad or junk food, they may feel guilt towards allowing themself to be bad or junk.
WHAT CAN BE DONE
Try not to associate food as being either good or bad because food is food. Instead of referring to your food bad or junk, try calling it by its name. So instead of calling a Holiday dessert bad food, just call it by its name. Then once there is no label associate with that food, you might feel less guilt about eating it.
Food anxiety
Those who have food anxiety, or find themselves nervous around or just thinking about food, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who has food anxiety might not let themself eat certain foods, whether they believe it’s because the food is bad or if they have a troubled past with that food. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because when they allow themself to eat the food they deprive themselves of, this often causes feelings of guilt.
WHAT CAN BE DONE
If you are not hosting the holiday dinner, don’t be afraid to call whomever is hosting it and ask what it going to be on the menu either the day of or the day before. This will calm your food anxiety a bit, and you will be prepared for what food is being offered.
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Holiday meals are all about preparation, accountability, and some discipline. But holiday meals are also about savoring and enjoyment, and it’s important not to forget that piece. We also want to feel that savoring and enjoyment the next day as well though. Through following these tips for navigating through holiday dinner food guilt, we can continue to nourish ourselves moving forward.
Extra tips to avoid food guilt
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Intuitive eating. By practicing intuitive eating, you can clear yourself of any stress or anxiety surrounding the food you’re eating. This in turn will make you enjoy the food and the people you’re with.
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Mindful eating. Try practicing mindful eating when you are experiencing food guilt by savoring the food you are eating.
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Use a food journal to track what meals or which foods trigger your guilt to figure out where to start.
