How To Change Food Guilt Into Healthy Eating
What is guilt?
Guilt is the feeling someone has when they believe they have done something wrong, like stealing or hurting someone, being rude or lying. And these are all appropriate behaviors to feel guilty about. However it’s important to note that you are not born knowing these behaviors are wrong. You’re not born knowing that you should feel guilty about doing the wrong thing, or what the wrong thing even is.
Guilt is something that is taught to you.
The only way we know right from wrong is because it has been taught to us. Whether it be from a parent or guardian or even a teacher, behaviors of feeling guilt towards a certain action is taught. This is often due to being told your behavior was good and being rewarded for said good behavior, or being told a behavior was bad or wrong and there being consequences. The beliefs that you hold now have been instilled in you from a young age, and you often carry them with you through life.
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What is food guilt?
The same right and wrong beliefs are also taught in regard to certain eating habits. A lot of us grew up with the knowledge that certain foods are either good or bad. This message that food can either be good or bad typically has the worst affect on young children whose parents or relatives engage in dieting and disordered eating. Those children have instilled mindsets from a young age that certain foods are bad, and eating those bad foods would be a behavior similar to stealing or lying, and thus causing them to feel guilty.
For example, if a parent keeps restricting sweets and tells the child it is unhealthy and they should not be eating it, the child learns that eating sweets is wrong, and the natural reaction is to feed bad about it. And guilt then sinks in.
The point is, just as guilt is taught, so is food guilt. When you feel food guilt it means you believe you are doing something wrong, you are breaking a food rule you have.
How to change food guilt into healthy eating
A lot of people have a complicated relationship with food, in part because of the very language we use to talk about how we eat. Many foods come with an inherent good or bad association shaped by our own experiences with food guilt and the expectations of society.
This might not seem like a big deal, but that language can impact how we feel about ourselves for eating or even wanting to eat certain foods. A lot of people transfer these labels onto their own self-worth. If I eat 'good' food, I am good. If I eat 'bad' food, I am bad. Categorizing foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ can cause some mental restriction, where we feel badly after eating ‘bad foods’ and then tell ourselves we’ll never eat that way again. It can create a cycle where you restrict food, binge on those foods, feel guilty about it, then work to restrict again. It's unhealthy for physical and mental health and can potentially lead to disordered eating patterns.
The reality is that having a donut or any one kind of food at any single point of your life doesn't make you a bad person or even an unhealthy person. But untangling a negative relationship with food is challenging and takes time. The following are a few ways to reframing your relationship with your food to be healthier, happier, and guilt-free.
Start with a food journal
The first step is really recognizing what your thoughts toward food are and how they are affecting you. Instead of viewing food as 'good' or 'bad,' remind yourself that they are neutral, which is key for overcoming the shame some feel when eating certain foods.
Naturally, this is easier said than done. Many of us have years of complex relationships with food to unpack, like being taught to have to earn desserts, or that certain less-nutritious ingredients are outright poison, or that deviating from your regular eating plan is cheating. These thoughts can be so second-nature that it can be hard to even know you're thinking them.
However a good place to start is with food journal. This is different from a traditional food log, which tracks calories or different macronutrients. Instead, it's simply a place where you write down what you ate and how it made you feel. So if you had vegetable pasta for dinner with a glass of wine, write down what you ate, how your body felt after eating it, and what went through your mind before, during, and after eating.
This might seem like a lot of work, but keeping a journal like this serves as a tool that lets you see on the page what kinds of messages you're telling yourself about your food. Sometimes, someone is so used to negative self talk because they've been doing it for years, and you really can't fix a mindset that you don't know exists. When you write down your thoughts, you're able to see in black and white what you're telling yourself about your food.
Retrain your thoughts about food
Now that you know in concrete terms what your internal messaging is, it's time to reframe those messages. This is not something that happens overnight. When you're used to judging yourself after eating certain foods, a change probably won't be instantaneous.
During meals, try actively reminding yourself of the ways your food is specifically benefitting you in that moment. Think about how whatever it is you're eating is going to give you the energy to do what you love in the world and help others. Or maybe it satisfies a more emotional need. Reminding yourself of these kinds of benefits can help take a food or a meal from a strictly negative place into one that's more positive.
It can also help to focus on the moment beyond just what's on your plate. Really savor the taste of what you’re eating and the company you’re with. Often people with an unhealthy relationship with food forget the pure joy a delicious dessert or meal with friends can bring. Food doesn't just provide nutrients, it can also bring a moment of happiness.
After a meal, if you feel regret or guilt, check in with that emotion before you spiral. If you're feeling guilty about mindlessly eating a bunch of cookies, instead of feeling shame, think about why you did it. Maybe you didn't eat a lot at lunch so it made sense that you were hungry later or you were stressed out. Or, maybe you really wanted those cookies and fully enjoyed them in the moment and that's okay. When you do this, you can start to notice patterns and this is more helpful than sitting there and judging yourself.
How to lessen food guilt
Overcoming food guilt is a journey. Even if you recognize that you want a positive relationship with food and want to experience food freedom, those feelings of guilt or shame will still happen, especially when eating foods that have been ingrained in your mind as bad or after having a moment of overindulgence. It’s completely normal and okay to be experiencing thought patterns that aren’t aligned with a healthy relationship with food. Know that it takes a lot of compassion, patience, practice, and support to really help you reframe your mindset around your relationship with food and remove feelings of guilt.
Bring awareness to when and why you are experiencing food guilt
This first step is all about bringing awareness to when and why you’re experiencing food guilt. There are usually two common causes of guilt around food. You may have made a mindless choice and realized it after the fact.
First, feelings of guilt can happen if you made a food choice that’s not in alignment with what you truly wanted or needed. This usually happens when external factors influence our food choices without us even realizing it, like emotions such as stress or boredom, our environment, or eating while distracted.
You may experience this if you made an in-the-moment decision that you didn’t truly want to make. This type of guilt tends to have less to do with the food itself, but more to do with you taking or not taking a specific action. You may be holding negative beliefs around food.
The second and often more deep-rooted cause of food guilt we see is feeling guilty around after eating foods that are often labeled bad or off limits. This can happen even when you consciously choose to eat something because you truly enjoy it and what it is, but the sense of shame creeps in any way because we’ve been taught to think of some foods as good and others as bad.
These insights about yourself can actually help guide you and help you learn how to best support yourself. When your focus is solely on feeling guilty, you never get the chance to do this self-discovery and you’ll continue to go through this cycle of guilt. Once you have more clarity and awareness on what’s causing feelings of guilt, the next step is to take a small action to help you through that.
When you do notice you’re feeling guilty, call yourself out and practice compassionate curiosity. Allow yourself the space to explore why those feelings are coming up again, recognize that they’re there, and remind yourself that food guilt doesn’t support your wellbeing. It’s a daily practice.
Slow down before meals
Sometimes food guilt can stem from mindless eating, where you were simply distracted or something in your environment or the situation you’re in triggered you to eat when you weren’t truly hungry or didn’t truly want it.
Taking a moment to pause before eating and checking in with yourself to see what your body needs and wants is such a great way to become aware of what external sources are influencing your food choices versus you’re choosing based on your body’s needs or what you’d like to consciously choose.
When you’re taking this pause, ask yourself why you’re eating. Is it boredom, stress, situational, or are you experiencing physical hunger? Then ask yourself if what you are choosing to eat is something you truly want or only want because of external factors. If your food guilt stems from eating specific foods, this pause can allow you to give full permission to yourself to intentionally choose and enjoy that food.
Let go of the food rules
When we tell ourselves that we can’t have a food item, it’s bad for us, we’re not allowed to have it, we’re inadvertently putting it on a pedestal. A pedestal that makes us idealize the food item and want the food item so much more than if we had just allowed ourselves to have some in the first place.
Once we do have the food item, either because we finally allow ourselves, reward ourselves, or it’s simply placed in front of us and we no longer have self-control, we’re much more likely to overindulge and subsequently experience that extreme sense of guilt we’re looking to avoid.
When we remove these food rules altogether, when we take the food item off of the pedestal, the food item no longer has power over us. We no longer feel out of control around it, and therefore that guilt cycle stops. Let go of the food rules, and the guilt will go with it.
Lifestyles that are more susceptible to food guilt
While anyone can be susceptible to experiencing food guilt, there are certain lifestyles that are more likely to attract this feeling. Once you recognize that you fall within one of these lifestyles, you will be one step closer to taking control and starting your wellness journey. However if you don’t relate with one of these lifestyles, and still find yourself experiencing food guilt, it does not mean that you still can’t take control.
Eating disorders
Those who have experience with eating disorders, like binge eating or emotional eating, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who is experiencing or has had experience with an eating disorder typically struggles with food more than someone who does not have an eating disorder. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because binge eaters and emotional eaters often feel guilty after they have gone through a binge eating cycle, and this often leads to another binge.
Poor food mindset
Those who have a poor food mindset, or who have a negative mindset associated with food, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who has a poor food mindset might label the food they eat as either good or bad, or healthy or junk. They might also associate themselves as bad or junk when they eat the foods they labeled as such. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because if they allow themselves to eat that bad or junk food, they may feel guilt towards allowing themself to be bad or junk.
Food anxiety
Those who have food anxiety, or find themselves nervous around or just thinking about food, are more likely to be susceptible to experiencing food guilt. Someone who has food anxiety might not let themself eat certain foods, whether they believe it’s because the food is bad or if they have a troubled past with that food. This type of lifestyle might be familiar with food guilt because when they allow themself to eat the food they deprive themselves of, this often causes feelings of guilt.
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Food guilt can be damaging to your mental and emotional wellbeing too, and it can also lead to disordered eating habits, which are damaging to both your physical and mental health. Plus, experiencing food guilt takes away from experiencing your life and fully enjoying and appreciating your food and the many roles it has in your life. Through following these tips for navigating through food guilt, we can continue to nourish ourselves moving forward.
Extra tips to avoid food guilt
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Intuitive eating. By practicing intuitive eating, you can clear yourself of any stress or anxiety surrounding the food you’re eating. This in turn will make you enjoy the food and the people you’re with.
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Mindful eating. Try practicing mindful eating when you are experiencing food guilt by savoring the food you are eating.
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Use a food journal to track what meals or which foods trigger your guilt to figure out where to start.
